so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
