I will die if light touches me.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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