I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
