I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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