Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
