There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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