Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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