I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
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dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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