are you still at the devil's house?
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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