nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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