i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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