chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
