life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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