corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
