her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
