her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
