And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
