Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
