aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
