Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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