I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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