Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
