first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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