The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I am naked and annoyed.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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