I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
