It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
