Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Randomize
