I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
