Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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