I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
