Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
and you said cock pushups were impossible
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
