my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
whose ass print is on the piano?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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