Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
