2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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