It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
