saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
