I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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