Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
