Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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