Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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