I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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