We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
