p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
