He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i barfeds in our rink
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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