I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Welp...herpes.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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