I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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