They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
