No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Randomize
