I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
