So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
