there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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