I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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