jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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