Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
