We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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