She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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