Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
