is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
