ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
