Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
