so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
