whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
