I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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