I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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