Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
