I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
