I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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