I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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