Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
