you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
