Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
