Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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