How'd it feel making her break her religion?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
