can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
