I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
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there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
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My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
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