dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
