I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
